Saturday, February 19, 2005


133) San Antonio. I should have suspected that an Errol Flynn western would be more of a period costume drama set in the old west than a "real" western. Entertaining enough I guess, though the whole "Texas is for Texans" theme grew old quick. I've been to Texas and their Hooters girls aren't any trashier than ours, so there's no sense in their bragging. I'm still waiting on my regular Saturday morning B westerns to return and I won't be happy until they do.

134) The Ladykillers (1955). I figured I'd see this before the Coens' version since I heard that theirs wasn't too good, and it was a good excuse to get in another Peter Sellers performance. I'm not so much of an anglophile when it comes to humor. A lot of British humor seems to center around the supposed inherent hilarity of just being British. My miserable whore of an ex-girlfriend got into The Young Ones when the pretentious jackasses she worked with told her it was good so she naturally thought it was brilliant, because she's a miserable and stupid whore. For example, when Van and I tried to get her to watch Black Adder, a legitimately funny British series, she thought it was stupid. A few months later she came home talking about this great British series called Black Adder that one of her co-worker douche bags had shown her and how I should watch it and I told her "I have. A long time ago. I tried to get you to watch it and you thought it was stupid." and her brilliant retort was "Well I must not have been in the mood for something like that then." Looking back that's probably the point when I should have realized I had lost her to the dark side completely and shown her miserable whore's ass to the curb. But I digess. Anyway, the show was terrible and it seemed like the implied punchline of every joke was "only in England!" and it was just terribly, terribly lame. There are several absolutely brilliant British series: The aforementioned Black Adder, Mr. Bean, Are You Being Served? and The Office are all incredibly funny, and their success lies in their ability to appeal to the general sense of humor of anyone who watches them. Some of the slang and pop culture references might be confusing, but the situations and reactions are fairly universal and anyone can tie into them. But a lot of the rest I've seen tends to revolve around the humor (or should I say humour?) the ensues from the particular character traits and manners inherent in British culture. Thus, the "comedy of manners" is a staple of British film and stage while it has never truly taken hold here in The U.S. The idea is also prevelant in other genres, like the "manor mysteries" of the 30s (see Gosford Park for a more contemporary example). All of the characters are so very British that even a murderer in their midst can't cause them to lose their manners or act inappropriately. So that's the problem I have with this movie. There are some fairly universal comic setups (the "crooked" house, the nosy old woman, etc.), but for the most part the whole thing revolves around the crooks and their need to maintain their properly British appearance. And Peter Sellers was a bit role that he never got to do anything with so that was also a disapointment. Oh well, I'll see the Coens and probably hate it too, but it's one more notch on the old DVD player.

134 down, 866 to go.

Friday, February 18, 2005

**I'm a Broken Down Old Man Update**

Charity gave me a back rub last night and I felt like a new man. The girl is a miracle worker! So naturally I woke up and my right hip is almost fused. If it ain't one thing...

Thursday, February 17, 2005


132) I Vitelloni. Next up on the Fellini parade, I Vitelloni. I can get on board with Fellini as director on this one, but I really hated the story. There's nothing more annoying than a bunch of post-adolescent crybabies bitching about the rude intrusions of adulthood and responsibility.

132 down, 872 to go.

CAAALLIFORNIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! Oh, Lindsey, look how cute you are in your many different blazers. Sadly, the only two characters I actually like are now at odds (Caleb being the other one). Also, Special Agent Stonerock? Stonerock? Really? They couldn't think of a better name than that? After The OC I was just too tired to go on so I'm taking the rest of the night off for the sake of my sanity. I've noticed that I'm really starting to miss TV. I mean, I have my programs that I'm keeping up with but I'm starting to miss just being able to turn it on and have something in the background that I don't have to pay attention to. I haven't even seen Sensible Chic once this year! Oh man, I just realized how gay that makes me. So different subject, I'm going to start San Antonio when I go to bed but I doubt it will get finished. Hopefully I can do some catch up this weekend. And speaking of San Antonio, I'm starting to get really ticked about this whole "30 Days of Oscar" on TCM. I'm missing my Saturday morning westerns! I can't wait for this whole thing to end so my TV scheduling can get back to normal.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005


130) Below. Seeing that the script was written by Darren Aronofsky was enough for me to give this a try. It was pretty decent, if some of the dialogue was hackneyed and the ending was a little more feel good than I'm used to from him (it shows the director and someone else as script writers too, so I'm sure there were some studio friendly rewrites going on). It wasn't as visually striking as it would have been had Aronofsky directed it, but that's probably a good thing. A straightforward action/thriller presentation served the story best, plus a lot of Aronosky's directorial flourishes from Pi made it into Requiem and it seemed like old hat then so I'm sure it would have just been cliched in this. Overall it was a pretty well done ghost/haunted house (or in this case submarine) movie.

131) Friday the 13th Part 3. So I've only seen the first two and Freddy vs. Jason. Big deal, right? I mean, I've always been more of a Nightmare guy anyway. Oh, who am I kidding, I've been living a lie! It's my deepest shame that I've pretended to be a dedicated horror maven all this time and yet have never seen all of the Friday the 13th movies. I mean, I've seen Razorblade Smile, which is quite possibly the worst horror movie ever made, yet the classics have been roundly neglected. I do intend to rectify this terrible oversight in the coming weeks, so there will be plenty of Jason and even a couple of Halloweens (as if my shame isn't great enough) coming up. Anyway, it was kind of odd watching this and remembering how relatively tame the early ones were. This was really just a silly and predictable teen slasher picture instead of the overblown "unstoppable embodiement of evil killing machine" Jason most people associate with the series. It's Part 3 and he's just now getting the hockey mask for Pete's sake! Also, the whole 3D thing is quite possibly the worst thing to ever happen to movies, especially if you are watching a movie shot for 3D without the actual 3D effects. Way too many things being poked and/or thrown at the camera, plus a lot of gratuitous shots just to make full use of the effect. THRILL to the spine-tingling JUGGLING! CHILL to the unholy dance of the YO-YO! So yeah, nothing special, but I'm on a mission to see them all and I have to start somewhere. I kind of wish I could watch the first two again since it's been so long. I don't remember much about them since I was maybe eight and had my head under a pillow for most of the movie when I saw them.

131 down, 869 to go.

**Cute Girl From Movie Gallery Update**

She still doesn't work there.

**I'm a Broken Down Old Man Update**

It's quite possible that I'm dying.


128) Ginger Snaps. Definetely the best monster movie I've seen in a long time. After Scream hit the only horror movies getting made were teen slasher pictures, so it was really nice to see some good old fashioned creature feature gore. Now I can't wait for the sequel to get here!

129) The Forgotten. More Julianne Moore, but this one was a sacrifice. Whoever wrote the script must have gotten the X-Files Season Nine box set for his birthday, and then not paid a lot of attention. So now Moore has been a literal replacement for Agent Starling and a figurative one for Agent Scully. There were so many things wrong with this that I don't even know where to start, or even if I should. There were at least three plot holes big enough to drive a truck through and the whole romantic undertones between Moore and the guy from The Wire were kind of creepy since they are trying to make her forget she has a kid, not that she's married. So a big whatever for this.

129 down, 871 to go.

In the interest of keeping this a family blog, I've removed the fairly vulgar back and forth between Robin and myself from yesterday and apologize to anyone that might have been gravely offended.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

02-15-2005 **I'm a Broken Down Old Man Update**

I feel like I was dropped from a tall buidling in my sleep. I might have landed on some rocks, I don't know.


126) Sniper 2. If there's one thing I've learned from action movies, it's that (former) Soviet Bloc girls are always hot! The astute among you should reason that my watching Sniper 2 means I've already seen Sniper. And not only have I seen Sniper, I had the movie poster. I am so lame. Anyway, this wasn't so bad. It could have been worse, but I don't really know how you could make it better.

127) What's New, Pussycat?. You may now officially count me as a fan of Peter Sellers. Fun. E. Very absurd sense of humor and the whole thing probably wouldn't have worked if it weren't for Sellers and Allen going a mile a minute with the jokes. Any slower of a pace and you'd have time to think about it and the whole thing would lose it's luster. Peter O'toole was kind of weird though. I always think of him as Lawrence of Arabia so seeing him act so silly was strange.

127 down, 873 to go.

Special Acknowledging Robin's Contributions Update: The whole "cold and emotionless robot" thing came from her. I in no way take credit for coming up with such an apt description.

Monday, February 14, 2005

02-14-2005 **Just Got Home Update**

I am pissed people! Pissed! I've been looking forward to getting my next two Netflix movies (Ginger Snaps and Below) which were due to arrive Saturday, and they still haven't shown up! AND I just realized today is only Monday after I've spent the entire day thinking that it's Tuesday and now I don't even get to watch The Gilmore Girls! AND IT'S FREAKING VALENTINE'S DAY!

So I used to go to Movie Gallery and rent movies a lot, but then I started using Netflix and quit going so much, but this weekend I was there several times renting movies and I just took some back and I realized that the really cute girl that always flirted with me is gone and I'm kind of sad about that. I should have asked her out, but I was still getting over the miserable whore that turned me into the cold and emotionless robot you know and love, so short blonde girls weren't really high on my list at the time. Oh well, Happy Valentine's Day cute blonde girl that used to work at Movie Gallery.

02-14-2005 **A Little More Later in the Afternoon/Responding to Donna's Comments Update**

So I knew that my clever ploy to have something to do (i.e. complain that I have nothing to do and sit back and watch the work roll in!) would work, but it also backfired because five minutes later I started thinking "remember five minutes ago when you had nothing to do? That was awesome." Having to really go to the bathroom also works.

Yes Donna, there shall be shirts for the social and savings club, and yes you may join! The s & s club will be open to all, unless I don't like them in which case they can go jump in a lake, unless that's the sort of thing they enjoy doing in which case they can go do something that isn't to their liking. Anyway, I've gathered that most of the names typically involve "Fabulous" or a synonym and some sort of gem so I was thinking "The Phenomenal Diamonds Social and Savings Club", but it just doesn't have that umph that classy folks such as ourselves need. As great a word as phenomenal (fee-nom-eee-null....) is it just isn't working. Suggestions, people!

02-14-2005 **A Little Later in the Afternoon Update**

I so have to start a Social and Savings club. I'm not sure exactly what they are, but it's my understanding that you get to make up a sassy name for it and wear special shirts and apparently there are some sort of savings involved. Now I just have to think of a sassy name...

02-14-2005 **Early Afternoon Update**

Yeah, I have nothing to do at the moment and I am bored out of my freaking mind. So you (by which I mean Donna and Robin) can probably look forward to several more posts as I see other crazy things on the news websites or just have some stupid and random thought pop into my head. Like how I was just thinking that buying lots and lots of socks would be a great idea because I wear out socks really quickly and if I were to buy like two hundred pair it would be awhile before I had to go buy anymore but then I was thinking about where I would put that many socks and wondering exactly how much room in a drawer does a pair of socks take up and then I was actually headed down to printing to get a tape measure because I was going to take off the pair that I have on and roll them up and measure them and go buy a new dresser that would accomodate all of those socks, but then I got to thinking about where would I put all of my t-shirts and underwear if I filled up the dresser with socks and so I gave up on the idea of buying lots and lots of socks. But man, there just isn't much better in life than a brand new pair of socks. I say this because I bought a big pack saturday and I'm wearing them right now and they are awesome. Also, I washed my super soft jersey knit sheets yesterday and put them back on my bed and I can't believe I would ever have any other kind of sheet on my bed because they are awesome too and all I want to do is go home and take a nap in my giant comfortable bed with the super soft sheets. I had to get here early this morning so I set my alarm for a little earlier because I always hit snooze two or three times before I even realize that the alarm has gone off so I was hitting snooze and Lee was still in the shower so I kept on sleeping but I started dreaming that I had already gotten up and showered and everything so when it really was time for me to get up I was convinced that I still had plenty of time because I didn't need to shower but luckily I realized I was just dreaming and leaped (yes leaped!) out of bed and got ready and made it on time. I'm so grown up. I might be a cold and emotionless robot, but even I don't have anything against Valentine's day. Lighten up, babies! Stay tuned for the "A Little Later in the Afternoon Update", "A Little More Later in the Afternoon Update" and a very special "Sweety Fancy Bath Towels, Will This Day Ever End Update."

02-14-2005 **Mid Morning Update Edtion**

Ah, Jesusland. We won't vote like we're told to, and we won't eat like we're told to. God I love it down here. So I'm really interested in finding this Mulligan's place. "The a hot dog wrapped by a beef patty that's deep fried, covered with chili, cheese and onions and served on a hoagie bun... [and] topped with a fried egg and two fistfuls of fries." How could that not be good? Robin, find out where this place is and I might come visit.

Sunday, February 13, 2005


122) Garage Days. A little too fluffy, and the "clever" directorial touches were just a little too precious for my tastes. Decent enough I guess, but nothing special.

123) Donovan's Reef. I know this is set in French Polynesia and all, but the whole time I was watching it I couldn't help but think "man, I have got to move to Fiji!" Anyway, another lightweight comedy, but this one doesn't try so hard. Amiable fun, and Lee Marvin is a total freakshow so I enjoyed it.

124) The Awakening. Kind of felt like a low rent Exorcist, all "Is she cursed by the Mummy or isn't she?" when she clearly is. There are some genuinely creepy moments and the ever dependable Chuck Heston is right on, so I guess we're straight.

125) Laws of Attraction. I would crawl across broken glass for Julianne Moore, so trust me when I say watching a silly romantic comedy is no sacrifice! And her in nothing but a man's dress shirt has broken the top ten on my list of hottest things I've ever seen in a movie. Plus, I'm a fucking girl which means I tend to like romantic comedies. Sometimes I hate myself.

125 down, 875 to go.

Impending Despair Update: Oh please oh please oh please oh please don't let it be Marcia! I am so in love with Bree right now...

Continued Despair Update: Could the Simpsons suck more? I mean, if I started maybe chipping in some money to Fox, could they use it to hire some crappier writers? I just want to know, cause it seems like things are going to have to get worse before they get better, since they obviously AREN'T GETTING BETTER. According to Van a lot of the writers now aren't actually TV writers but stand up comics, and if you think you can get a stand up comic that obviously can't pay the bills on his stand up abilities alone to write a half hour's worth of good material you are sorely mistaken my friend. There should be odds in Vegas where you can bet on whether or not next week's episode is going to be worse than this week's. You could just bet "suck more" and totally clean up! I'm bitter, here! BITTER!

Different Continued Despair Update: I still can't find my Supertramp CD and I'm far too stubborn to just go buy another copy because the case IS RIGHT THERE ON MY BOOKSHELF SO OBVIOUSLY THE CD HAS TO BE SOMEWHERE!