Saturday, March 11, 2006

Now it's smelling like Indonesia...

There have been some interesting developments in the hallway smell saga this past week, but I've forgotten to post about them. Some memorable scents include Listerine, freshly cut clover, and kitty litter, but now that the regularly scheduled parade of pothead thuggery and billowing smoke from #4 has resumed it's all weed, motherfucker! Now if only those hood rats that used to hang around in the stairwell and act really quiet whenever I came home only to get back to their lip smacking and mile a minute chatter once my door was closed would make their triumphant return...

If Kurupt gave a fuck about a bitch, he'd always be broke, he'd never have no motherfuckin indo to smoke. Unless he lived across the hall, in which case there's plenty to go around.
I finally finished importing all my CDs this weekend, so here's a meme to celebrate:

How many songs: 6,710

Sort by song
First Song: 'A' Bomb In Wardour Street - The Jam
Last Song: Zydeco Gris-Gris - BeauSoleil

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: Horn Intro (:09) - Modest Mouse
Longest Song: Mountain Jam (44:00) - The Allman Brothers Band

Sort by artist:
First Artist: .38 Special
Last Artist: ZZ Top

Sort by album:
First Album: 'Tis Sweet To Be Remembered - Jim and Jesse (since the ' before Tis makes it first, and that's kind of cheap, the next is ...And Justice For All - Metallica, and that's kind of cheap too, so the next is 12 Song - Neil Diamond)
Last Album: Z - My Morning Jacket

Top Three Most Played Songs:
1. Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division (20 times)
2. Revelator - Gillian Welch (16 times)
3. Boulder to Birmingham - Emmylou Harris (9 times)

First song that comes up on Shuffle:
Blues for Pablo - Miles Davis

Search …
“sex”, how many songs come up? 17
“death”, how many songs come up? 8
“love”, how many songs come up? 419
“you”, how many songs come up? 824
Here's a special bonus Alba for today, cause fuck the Wildcats AND the Tigers AND the selection committee if both UAB and Bama get left out now.

Don't think about basketball, think about Alba. Don't think about basketball, think about Alba. Don't think about basketball, think about Alba...AND SWEET DRUNKEN REVENGE...
Word of the Day for Saturday March 11, 2006

crapulous \KRAP-yuh-lus\, adjective:

1. Suffering the effects of, or derived from, or suggestive of gross intemperance, especially in drinking; as, a crapulous stomach.

2. Marked by gross intemperance, especially in drinking; as, a crapulous old [1]reprobate.

After realizing I will never, ever wake up to Jessica Alba, I drank myself retarded, resulting in a crapulous stomach.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Word of the Day for Friday March 10, 2006

ululate \UL-yuh-layt; YOOL-\, intransitive:

To howl, as a dog or a wolf; to wail; as, ululating jackals.

Alba does her best to ignore the wild ululating from the men on the beach as she takes a stroll in her bikini.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Word of the Day for Thursday March 9, 2006

contradistinction \kon-truh-dis-TINK-shuhn\, noun:
Distinction by contrast; as, "sculpture in contradistinction to painting."

Sue Storm's undeniable sex appeal is shown here in sharp contradistinction to the orange rock horror of The Thing.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I'm a day late on this, but apparently Yanni has won a Grammy. Just further proof that industry awards mean nothing. Oh yeah, he was also arrested or something.

From lusty Greek synth lord...

 skeezy bartender at the local HoJo in a single domestic dispute related bound.
Word of the Day for Wednesday March 8, 2006

perambulate \puh-RAM-byuh-layt\, intransitive verb:

1. To walk about; to roam; to stroll; as, "he perambulated in
the park."

transitive verb:

1. To walk through or over.
2. To travel over for the purpose of surveying or inspecting.

Alba perambulates the stage as Nancy in Robert Rodriguez's Sin City.
If EDSBS can interview Finebaum, then I guess I can interview Colorado’s 9th District Judge T. Peter Craven. What does the Honorable T. Peter Craven have to do with football? One time he found himself in a sports bar watching a Colorado State game and thinking about how short those cheerleader’s skirts really are, and that’s enough for me. So here is part one in an ongoing series of conversations concerning football, judicial precedent, and those short, short cheerleader skirts.

1000Movies: Your honor, thank you for sitting down with me. Let me be blunt; is your interest in college football restricted solely to the sideline cavorting of the Colorado State cheerleaders?

The Honorable T. Peter Craven: No, not at all. I also have a fondness for Colorado’s cheerleaders and, in fact, most cheerleaders.

1000Movies: Is it reasonable for you to desire your rival’s cheerleaders, especially in the case of Colorado? A case can be made that a vanquished rival’s cheerleaders should be considered spoils of war and subject to the sexual whims of the victors and their fans, but the Buffs own State. How do you reconcile your feelings of hatred towards Colorado with your strong sense of desire towards their cheerleaders?

HTPC: Honestly I could care less about what’s happening on the field. I’m interested in the cheerleaders, plain and simple. It doesn’t matter what school’s uniform they have on, so long as it’s a cheerleading uniform.

1000Movies: No matter how bad the opposing team is whipping yours, you can still view their cheerleaders in a sexual light rather than the annoying bitches who won't shut up about how great their team is and how terrible yours is?

HTPC: Yes. You can’t tell me that you’ve never wanted to chase one of your rival’s cheerleaders under the stands.

1000Movies: Actually, I can.

HTPC: Bullshit!

1000Movies: For real. Auburn’s cheerleaders have those stupid little paws on their cheeks that look like skin cancer unless you look closely, and Tennessee’s…well, okay, there was one time I wanted to nail a UT cheerleader. I’m not proud.

HTPC: Tell me about the UT cheerleaders.

1000Movies: They just seem extra dirty, you know? Like, Bama’s cheerleaders seem nice and wholesome and that’s kind of the appeal, but the Vol cheerleaders just look like they’d take a man to his pickup bed and rock him ‘til the axle breaks. I guess there’s something about the mountains of East Tennessee that produces hillbilly hotties left and right. Maybe its cause their pa kept them locked in the cabin without running water and with only the livestock for company that when they finally get out they go wild.

HTPC: Go on.

1000Movies: There’s not much more to say.


1000Movies: Yeah.

…awkward silence…

1000Movies: So you’re really not a fan of the game at all?

HTPC: No, not particularly.

1000Movies: You never pull for the Rams at all? I mean, you have season tickets; you really just go to ogle the cheerleaders?

HTPC: No, I pay attention other things going on in the stadium.

1000Movies: Like what?

HTPC: The dance squad, I like their boots.

1000Movies: sigh

Come back next wednesday for part 2, in which The Honorable T. Peter Craven reveals his secret love for homoerotic ass slapping and his long held belief that streaking through the local grocery store is a good way to meet women.

Probably face paint, but it could be an oozing sore. Better safe than sorry, fellas.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Scenes From a Movie Theater

To my right, a sudden, muted burst of bland, ring tone techno music. I knew who’s it was. When she reached for her purse I quietly muttered “sweet Jesus, do NOT answer that thing,” eliciting bemused snickers from the older couple seated next to me but doing nothing to halt the inevitable answer and nominally hushed conversation.


mumble mumble mumble

“Watching a movie. What are you doing?”

mumble mumble mumble


mumble mumble mumble

“It’s okay so far.”

mumble mumble mumble

“Can I call you back in a few minutes?”

mumble mumble mumble

“Marty’s making mad noises.”

mumble mumble mumble

“Yeah, we’re at the theater.”

mumble mumble mumble

“Okay, I’ll call you later. Bye!”

mumble mumble mumble

The husband, to his credit, seemed as annoyed as the rest of us but, besides repeatedly sighing heavily (like the rest of us), he did nothing to reign in his Sally Struthers look-a-like wife and her never-ending series of questions and inane comments.

“I bet he’s sending the tapes himself to drive his wife crazy!”


“Is that the same guy from the last dinner?”


“I like her shoes!”


And so on. As the audience grew increasingly agitated, the frequency of sighs and the sounds of annoyed seat turning and pointed staring grew to the point where the show was no longer on the screen in front of us, but on the last row, five seats to my right.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Down By Law

Here's the problem with Jim Jarmusch; He's one of those "sanctity of the moment" directors. I like the setup in this. Take three disparate characters, force them into close quarters and then see where they push each other. The problem is that Jarmusch just can't seem to reign in his own impulse to let the camera roll longer than it should and it makes the movie drag and takes away from the story. I understand that impulse; real life can be boring as hell and I'm sure he feels that capturing the quiet moments where his characters have nothing more to say somehow lends them greater weight, but it's a disservice to the actors and to the audience. There are moments of absurd genius (the "I scream you scream we all scream for ice cream" sequence is brilliant), but by surrounding them with what amounts to dead air it draws away from them and just gets tiresome. If your movie is barely 90 minutes and it seems like a three hour epic, you've done something wrong. Further, the actors, save Benigni, weren't up to the challenge. Put a camera on Benigni for 90 minutes and he's going to do something entertaining no matter how little direction you give him, but both Waits and Lurie seemed lost at times like they really wished Jarmusch would shut the camera off or give them some sort of direction already. Lurie did his best, but Waits simply isn't an actor. He's a serviceable bit player if you give him a script, but left on his own he'll stare sullenly at the floor and hope no one notices he's in the frame. I get the feeling if there were different men in the roles it would have been a different picture. In Coffee and Cigarettes, the best sequences were the ones where the participants had their own unique sense of humor and character. The Bill Murray/RZA/GZA scene is priceless. The Tom Waits/Iggy Pop one clunked. The difference? Murry, RZA, and GZA each played off of each other and dared the other not to laugh while Waits and Pop stared at each other wondering what to do next. Same thing in this one. Benigni did his best to spark some action, but Waits and Lurie didn't know what to do with it and stood around waiting for something to happen, but in vain. Maybe that's the point, that these losers are doomed by their own personal failings to stand around and wait, but don't make us wait with them.
And now, a haiku:

I took a shower
My shampoo smells like berries
Sure don't taste like them
I told Claudia earlier today I was going to start wearing nothing but biker shorts, so she sent me this horrifying sight to save me from myself:

Le Barf.

I immediately went blind and renounced my faith in all things good and decent, but then she sent me this to restore my sight and to make amends:

You gon' back that thing up, or should I push up on it?

There's not much point to this entry. Mostly I was just looking for an excuse to post another picture of Jessica Alba.

Pass The Controller Related Update:

- The real life New Mexico Lobos are out their second-leading tackler after he was arrested on four counts of assault and kidnapping (via EDSBS). Thankfully the worst thing my Lobos have done is cheat on exams, which leaves me without my impact receiver (who wears a #4 I might add) going into the Rose Bowl against Southern Cal.

- And while I'm on the subject of playing Southern Cal in the Rose Bowl, the PS2 BCS is totally pissing me off. This is the second time I've gone undefeated and earned a #2 ranking and still been jumped by a two loss team for the title game. A 9-2 Ohio State jumped my undefeated Blazers and now a 9-2 Miami is jumping the Lobos, despite several shut outs and winning by an average of at least 60 points. It's like 1966 all over again!

Too bad I can't blame the Catholic vote...

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Somehow I got put on a word of the day e-mail list. It's kind of annoying since it's usually either common words that everyone knows or completely obscure words that sound kind of made up and that I would NEVER use in normal conversation. But today's has kind of cracked me up and will definitely find its way into the regular rotation:

Word of the Day for Sunday March 5, 2006

toothsome \TOOTH-suhm\, adjective:

1. Pleasing to the taste; delicious; as, "a toothsome pie."

2. Agreeable; attractive; as, "a toothsome offer."

3. Sexually attractive.

Look up "toothsome" in the dictionary and this is what you'll find.
Caché (Hidden)

This one is probably going to get a lot of "eh" reactions from American audiences, not because we're all uncouth and uncultured and don't get "film", but because this is a decidely French movie. I got the feeling that Haneke meant it as a sort of indictment of French racial attitudes towards immigrants in general and Algerians in particular, but not knowing an awful lot about the topic I could be very wrong. Auteuil plays a TV personality (hosting a literary discussion program that is apparently pretty popular) harassed by a mysterious stranger who leaves video tapes showing various surveillance shots of his home and family. The movie is actually quite frustrating in this regard as the hidden camera begins to require a huge suspension of disbelief as the movie progresses. Several of the videos show Auteuil walking directly towards and in front of the camera and it becomes harder and harder to believe he isn't seeing it, especially once he knows there is one there. I'm sure an artsy film snob justification can be made (there's not really a "camera," the videos are a metaphorical symbol of the world's eyes watching as we live our lives and reminding us that we must keep our secret shames hidden, something stupid like that), but by not revealing the camera or it's operator and leaving the ending open as to who really sent the tapes were frustrating. I still enjoyed it, though, and can give Haneke credit for making a quietly suspenseful picture that drew on a lot of simple, everyday fears to create a menacing sense of dread instead of going for a cheap scare.