Saturday, October 22, 2005


797) The Postman Always Rings Twice. I was confused for a long time, because I had seen the Nicholson version and, while it was pretty good, I didn't really get how it was supposed to be this great and classic film noir since it was released in the 80s. So for years I would see it on lists and think "the crap?" but then a few years ago I found out there was an older version and it all started making sense. Both have their merits and I'd be tempted to say this one wins out, but it would only be out of a sense of Old Hollywood snobbishness.

798) F/X. Eh.

799) Doom. The POV "Doom-Cam" sequence was pretty cool, but there was disappointingly little violence and mayhem. I played the game, that's what it was all about. Plot? What for! Character development? Who needs it! Give the people what they want and show some shit blowing up real good and heads splattering! That's what I paid my $8 for!

799 down, 201 to go.

LSU 20, Auburn 17

Is this what all those pundits meant when they said Auburn's been flying under the radar?

"Tommy do you hear me? Can you feel me near you?"

Dear Jamie Christensen,

I won't lie. I've talked some shit about you the past few months, but I take every word of it back. You are my hero. Had I a wife or a reasonably aged daughter, they would be yours for the asking. Thank you.


Friday, October 21, 2005


795) Layer Cake. Chief O'Brien is fast becoming one of my favorite actors. This year alone he's been in The Snapper, The Van, Intermission, and now this, and each one I've enjoyed immensely. Who'd have thunk it?

796) The Ghost Ship. Val Lewton is the original M. Night Shyamalan. All of the suspense was built up from atmosphere and what you don't see instead of obvious sources. Kind of corny at times (a lot of gosh golly acting), but it works.

796 down, 204 to go.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Bama/UT Comparisons

I thought I'd go ahead and highlight a few of the differences between the Alabama and Tennessee football programs for anyone who isn't really familiar with them:

Head Coach:
- Mike Shula

- Phillip Fulmer


Alabama - Elephant (Big Al)

Tennessee - Blue Tick Hound (Smokey)

Starting Quarterback:
Alabama - Brodie Croyle

Tennessee - Who knows?

Fight Song:
- Yea Alabama! Features the stirring prospect of names being writ in crimson flame.

- Rocky Top. Features the stirring imagery of living among murderous hillbillies without basic phone service.

Named After:
- Itself

- A Jefferson Airplane Album

Musical References:
- Steely Dan is aware of our winning tradition.

- Ryan Adams thinks you suck.

"You can't eat just one":
Mike Shula is referring to:
- potato chips.

Fulmer is referring to:
- a flash-fryed, cheese injected cow.

16 Horsepower Inspired UPDATE:

Fans Travel In:
- RVs.

- Turdships.


794) A Guy Thing. Ladies, there are two sure fire ways to seduce me. Hula dancing is one of them. Julia Stiles is a pretty girl. If she were a civilian she'd earn a second glance on the street. But she's not what I'd call drop dead gorgeous. She has, however, donned a grass skirt and hulaed her way into my heart. Well played, Stiles.

794 down, 206 to go.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


792) 1941. It would be very easy to criticize this one. It's too long (2 1/2 hours), there's no real sense of plot or direction, it's nothing more than an assembly of sight gags, blah blah blah, but I did laugh a lot because it had the same zany sense of humor that made the early Zucker pictures so funny. It's nothing to go out of your way for, but if it's on TV and you have an afternoon to kill, give it a shot.

793) B.A.P.S. The bottom of the barrel has now, officially, been scraped.

793 down, 217 to go.

- Little old lady update: At first I thought the noise coming from downstairs sounded like someone dragging a couch and then dropping it, dragging and dropping, dragging and dropping, and etc., but now it sounds more like she's opening and then slamming a GIANT drawer. I hate her.

- Someone got here by googling "lil kim vomiting on stage."

- 3 days 'til Tennessee. I forgot about the UT joke of the day yesterday, so here's your twofer.

1. Their 3rd string QB's name is Jim Bob Cooter. I am not making this up.
2. They were ranked #3 at the start of the season.

Okay, so maybe those weren't "jokes," but you have to admit they're funny.

Wrong again, Kanye

As if Rice coming to the game Saturday wasn't big enough, Prothro is now getting letters from the President. Turns out W really does care about black people. Biggest question: will Hack's head explode if Bama becomes the official college football team of the GOP?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


790) The Stepford Wives. A few thoughts:
- Glenn Close = Barf.
- Matthew Broderick peaked with Ferris Bueller. He needs to go away and let us remember him fondly. And before you all start in with "But Election...", corpses move from time to time. It's called gas.
- As much as I enjoy any chance to watch Nicole Kidman, she really wasn't a good fit in this movie. Something about her seemed wrong, and she didn't really put a lot into the role. I'm sure it was just a paycheck role for her, but still...
- Jon Lovitz should be given some sort of medal for his valiant attempts at making this movie worth watching.

791) A Lot Like Love. Sarah's been carrying on about wanting to see this for awhile now, so I got it and took it over to her place. I thought it would be terrible, but it turned out to be reasonably funny. So guys, if you need a good chick flick, this is one you won't feel dirty about watching.

791 down, 209 to go.

For all you haters that think Bama Football isn't as important as we make it out to be...

Secretary of State Rice is starting a new initiative to expose foreign diplomats to parts of the U.S. that aren't New York or D.C. First stop? The Alabama/Tennessee game.

Monday, October 17, 2005


I have no idea what the little old lady that lives in the apartment below mine is doing down there. It sounds like she picked up her couch and is scraping it against the wall. I hate her.


787) Run for Cover. Another Nicholas Ray western, but a far more conventional one. Except for Cagney, who routinely confuses "cowboy" with "Brooklyn tough guy," it's a pretty straight laced tale of redemption type western. I was into it.

788) Buchanan Rides Alone. Randolph Scott is one tough old sumbitch. I might just name my first born after him. Sure hope it isn't a girl.

789) Maria Full of Grace. Are you kidding me? I feel like I'm choking if I take anything bigger than an Advil! How in the hell do they swallow 60 to 70 of those things?! That's insane! So anyway, definitely one of the best I've seen this year. They struck all the right chords in the performances and direction. Like, you could totally feel the tension on the airplane and the fear and desperation during the trip and after everything goes awry. Excellent.

789 down, 211 to go.

- Seeing that 16 Horsepower's Album of the Week is American Beauty, I got to thinking about the Grateful Dead tonight. MWOAEG was a Dead Head and for several months made it her mission in life to convert me. Her reasoning was that since I liked other jam bands, I should like the Dead (and Phish, but since the Dead were more in line with my musical tastes she decided to go with the better odds). Never happened. I loved a few of their "western" songs like Me and My Uncle and Mexicali Blues, and there were a few albums that were a good compromise if she wanted to listen to the Dead while I was around, but for the most part I never could get on board with them. One night I was dead (haha!) asleep at her place and she kept waking me up to listen to Terrapin Station and Live/Dead and I think I actually stayed awake long enough for Turn on Your Lovelight and then fell back asleep. That was when she finally gave up and was pissed at me for weeks. She was such a bitch. Anyway, there were a few albums that I did enjoy. American Beauty is that one Dead album that most everyone can get on board with. I liked it well enough, and at times I've liked both Workingman's Dead and the live album Reckoning (they do a George Jones song, what else was I supposed to do?) and like a good 95% of the population of the entire world I own Skeletons from the Closet. The one album of theirs that I truly truly love though was her least favorite (actually, that pretty much sums up our entire relationship), Blues for Allah. I just pulled it out and I'm listening to it now, and I think I know why I liked it so much. I used to say it was because it was the "funkiest" of the Dead albums, but now I realize it's because it sounds like a Steely Dan record. Which makes me like it less, sort of. It's like how the only Bowie song I'm okay with I like because it sounds like a Queen song, and that just makes me dislike Bowie more. So now I feel kind of cheated. Oh well.

- 5 days 'til Tennessee. Here's your UT joke of the day:

Stephen Hawking decides one day that he's going to go to one of those speed dating events just to see what kind of people he might meet. He asks the first woman he is paired with her IQ and she responds "120." "Excellent," Hawking says, and strikes up a conversation about nuclear fission. After a minute, the next woman comes over and he asks her about her IQ. "110," she says, and they strike up a conversation about physics. After a minute, the next woman comes over and Hawking asks her IQ. "50," she responds, so Hawking asks, "How bout them Vols?"

Sunday, October 16, 2005


784) Party Monster. I was tempted to turn it off after 5 minutes because the acting was so over the top, but then I got sucked in. Unfortunately, the entertainment value died after another 30 minutes and it got boring fast. Whatever.

785) Kundun. If anyone could get permission from the Beastie Boys to make this movie, it's Martin Scorcese! And now for the part where I guarantee my censor by the communist Chinese, Chairman Mao can eat a dick.

786) D.C. Cab. When my family first got a VCR (a beta, no less) we went to rent movies and I saw the cover of this with Mr. T and I begged and pleaded to rent it and my mom wouldn't let me because it was rated R and she kept trying to explain that just because it had Mr. T on the cover didn't mean it was a movie about the A Team. I, of course, had none of it and was terribly upset until we got home and I watched Star Wars and promptly forgot all about it. As it turns out, she was very right to keep me from seeing it. Funny in that mid-80s screwball kind of way, but ultimately forgettable.

786 down, 214 to go.

- 6 days 'til Tennessee. Here's your UT joke of the day:

A reporter from the Birmingham News was driving through the countryside of North Alabama one Sunday afternoon when he pulled over at a gas station to stretch his legs. When he got out of his car, he saw a terrible sight: A young boy being attacked by a rabid dog. Suddenly he saw a man run from inside the station and shoot the dog before he could hurt the boy. Being a reporter, he immediately ran to the scene, pulled out his notepad, and started asking questions. As he was questioning him, the man noticed he had written on his pad "Heroic Alabama Fan Shoots Rabid Dog, Saves Young Boys Life." He corrects the reporter, saying "That's not entirely true, I'm not an Alabama fan." The reporter apologizes, scratches out Alabama and writes in Auburn. The man sees this and again corrects him saying, "That's not true either, I'm not an Auburn fan." The reporter looks puzzled and asks him "Don't you like football?" The man tells him "Well yes, I like football very much." The still confused reporter asks "Well if you aren't a Bama fan and you aren't an Auburn fan, then who do you pull for?" and the man says "I pull for Tennessee." The reporter says "Oh, I understand now", then scratches out the whole title and writes "Ignorant Hillbilly Murders Beloved Family Pet."

Don't turn your backs to them, LSU.