Saturday, August 20, 2005


629) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Chicks suck.

630) Beyond the Law. Bikers suck.

631) Brokedown Palace. Thailand sucks.

632) All About the Benjamins. Jewel thieves suck.

633) Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Lawyers suck.

634) Daddy Day Care. Kids suck.

635) Wild Wild West. Giant mechanical spiders suck.

636) Hide and Seek. De Niro's recent career moves suck.

637) Are We There Yet?. See #634.

637 down, 363 to go.

Surgery went well. More later. Sarah has refused to wear a slutty nurse costume, but is still taking good care of me.

Thursday, August 18, 2005


627) The Three Outlaws. I kept waiting for The Skipper to call Butch Cassidy "little buddy" and hit him with his hat but it never happened. Give the people what they want!

628) Sky High. Kelly Preston's costume totally gave her a drag box and that's just going to confuse the kids.

628 down, 372 to go.

All this talk of getting old...

...It's getting me down my love...

Start looking forward to some wacked out on pain killers posting in the next few days, because I sure am! I'm actually getting a little nervous about the whole thing now. I went yesterday to do pre-admission stuff and I was just reading over the mound of paperwork the hospital gave me and it's made me anxious for tomorrow. It shouldn't be though, I've been through this before, but the last time I was under the knife was for torn cartilage and this surgery is a lot more serious. Not like open heart surgery serious, but the damage is worse this time around so the possibility of the surgeon getting in there and finding more problems is much greater. I don't know, I guess I'm just antsy about the prospect of not being able to drink Coke after midnight which, if you know me, is the worst thing that could happen. Last time as they were wheeling me to the recovery room I was still so doped up I couldn't even open my eyes but they asked me if I wanted something to drink and I mumbled out "Coke" so they gave me this tiny little cup full to the rim with ice and I drank it all in one gulp and started slurring loudly "COOOOOKE...MOOOOORE COOOOOOOKE...." and waving the cup around until a nurse took it from me before I splashed ice all over the place. By the time she got back I was clear headed enough to open my eyes and sit up and I drank that one down in one gulp and she was all "Go easy now" and I wanted to be all "Bitch, don't come between me and my Coke, I'll shank you with this IV needle!" but instead I stayed calm (mostly because my mother was in the room) and asked very politely if she would bring me another and perhaps maybe not put so much ice in it this time. I was supposed to stay in the recovery room for about an hour before they were going to let me go so they could keep an eye on me, but everything was done and there wasn't really anything they could do to keep me there so when Dad walked in a few minutes later and said he had the car at the side door I grabbed for the crutches and we started out and got half way down the hall to the exit before three nurses and my mom came running like their asses were on fire all "OHMIGOD! HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE UP YET! HE NEEDS A WHEELCHAIR!" and I was yelling over my shoulder "It's fine, I'm fine, we're leaving, I don't need a wheelchair, I NEED MORE COKE!" and I kept hobbling on out the door before they could get a wheelchair to me. One of the nurses looked super pissed too, but we were in the car and on the way home before they could do anything about it. By the time we got home though I had already passed back out and barely made it to the couch before I passed out again and I don't think I ever got any more Coke til hours later so all my scheming was in vain. So yeah, anxious for what might happen (did you know NERVE DAMAGE was a possible side effect of Arthoscopy? Cause I didn't til fifteen minutes ago) and the general pain the recovery is going to be (no shower for 48 hours doesn't sound appealing), but really looking forward to getting it over with.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


624) Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Tonight I'm sitting alone, digging up bones...

625) Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song. One of those works that gets more credit than it's due because of it's "importance." Take Nirvana for an example. There actual contribution to popular music is far outweighed by their place in it, i.e. Nevermind's release and subsequent transformation of the landscape of popular music. It wasn't a bad album, but it's success had more to do with timing and media hype than any inherent musical worth. People were so sick of what they were hearing that when something, ANYTHING, different came along they latched onto it. It's why none of the other successful "grunge" bands sounded anything like Nirvana. No one was looking for that specific sound, they were just looking for something that spoke to a sense of disatisfaction with popular music. Same with this. The movie itself is atrocious. The acting and direction has amateur painted all over it and the dialogue is laughable, but it spawned an entire genre by giving a voice to an unrepresented audience that wanted anything other than what Hollywood was giving them. So yeah, the movie sucked, but I can see why no one really dares to say so.

626) The Station Agent. Despite the weirdly dark turn this took near the end, I really enjoyed it. It was the model of "Tell Me a Story" film-making; simple plot/story that manages to hook you and pull you in even though there really isn't a lot going on. Has a shot to crack the top ten for the year.

626 down, 374 to go.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005


622) Three Hours to Kill. Didn't really live up to the awesometastity of it's title, but at least there wasn't a bunch of sermonizing like The Ox-Bow Incident.

623) War of the Wildcats. I always kind of take John Wayne for granted, but every now and again I'm taken aback by the man's acting abilities. I mean, usually it's all "And in the role of John Wayne...John Wayne!" but he had such an easy going charm and brilliant comic timing in this that he reminded me of Cary Grant a little. You know, if Cary Grant were a large cowboy.

623 down, 377 to go.

I bowed to the pressure and ran right out to Best Buy for The Sixth Season. How was I supposed to wait when it has both Itchy and Scratchy Land AND Lemon of Troy?

Bitchcakes Crazy Alert: What the hell is wrong with Richmond, VA?

17 days and counting...

Giddy. Giddy. So reading the reports from is probably not the best thing to do to keep giddiness at bay, but lookee here:

"Working against the second-team defense in the first scrimmage of the fall, [Croyle] completed 13 of 20 passes for 266 yards and four touchdowns with no turnovers."

And he managed to stay upright! Taking advantage of the impressive receivers Bama has managed to groom (I'm thinking Prothro and Hall primarily, but there's good depth there) is key to winning some football games. I'll admit to being a Neanderthal run first kind of guy, but I also know the importance the threat of going down field is to your run game. And lest we worry about Croyle's almost inevitable injury we have this heartening tidbit:

"Going against the first-team defense, freshman quarterback John Parker Wilson completed 10-of-19 passes for 143 yards and no touchdowns. His one major gaff was throwing a deep ball that former Hoover High School teammate Cory Reamer, a safety, intercepted. "He got me," Wilson said. "Good for him. I made a bad read on it."On the plus side, Wilson called an audible, checking down to a running play that freshman running back Theo Townsend turned into a 67-yard touchdown."

And that's against the first team defense. For those not local to the Birmingham metro area, Hoover High School's football team is basically a D-1AA program. Lee and I were joking Sunday after reading this article that they should add Samford to their schedule each year for an easy win warm up game and that they could totally hang with James Madison if given the chance. I'm not saying that being QB at Hoover is anywhere close to the same as playing at an SEC level, but if Croyle goes down (fingers crossed, fingers crossed) Wilson should still be able to pick up and do a better job than Pennington or Guillon last season so long as Shula and Rader don't puss out again and go straight to the one play playbook.

Further good news is the improving running back situation. Townsend, a walk on, had 80 yards on six carries (67 on a touchdown run) and Coffee had 53 yards on 10 carries. Those aren't exactly Adrian Peterson numbers, but they're still impressive and bode well for the future.

Also, Hurt has a column up about the rediscovery of the forward pass at Bama, including this gem of a quote from Prothro:

"I definitely think we were missing that one thing last year."

Giddiness, people. Can you feel it?

Monday, August 15, 2005


619) Call of the Rockies. #7,872 on the Things I Never Learned in High School List: Smiley Burnette was the chief engineer of the Suez Canal.

620) Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde. Needless sequel. In the first one Witherspoon was cute enough to carry such a spazzy character and was aided by a script with a certain silliness to it, enough to take it right to the brink of spiraling into pointless and vapid silliness but without ever spinning out of control. This one just didn't hold together and whoever thought "like Legally Blonde...but more" shouldn't be allowed to make movies anymore for not understanding what made the first one work. There was just too much outright silliness going on and it wasn't funny, just lamely goofy and embarassing. Whatever.

621) Agent Cody Banks. Can't get enough of that Hillary Duff OR Angie Harmon's incredibly long legs. For reals, have you seen those things? Human chicks do not have legs that long. There either has to have been some sort of surgical alteration or she's a robot, which, if she is, I totally changed my mind about Pleasure Unit 704 and would rather have a robot Angie Harmon for my birthday instead.

621 down, 379 to go.

3 days til surgery, and after today I'm more looking forward to it for the vacation than the whole fixing of knee aspect.

18 days til Bama (and UAB) football, and after today I'm looking forward to, well, football. Yeah, that's what I'm looking forward to though I'm making some sacrifices and only watching Bama, UAB, Steelers, and maybe a Packers game or two depending on who they are playing instead of watching all day long.

26 more shopping days til my birthday, and after today I'm looking forward to my new robot bride, Angie Harmon.


614) Topaz. Not very "Hitchcockian," but it was still a good spy drama and I enjoyed it.

615) Apache Ambush. It's always funny how chicks in westerns can see their brother and father shot down right before their very eyes and two minutes later be completely over it and swooning for our hero again.

616) The Big Gundown. Lee Van Cleef. Need I say more?

617) Assault on Precinct 13. Despite my hatred for the walking douche bag that is Ethan Hawke, I decided to give this a shot since K-Roc has been talking it up ever since he bought it and I figured I'd get a little work done while I was at Nancy's. And it was actually a pretty good, if nothing like the original.

618) In Like Flint. About as good as the first. The humor is slyer than the Austin Powers pictures so it's funnier, but not laughingly funnier. Does that make sense?

618 down, 382 to go.

I spent yesterday afternoon at Fancy Nancy's hanging out and eating and robbing her of her ice packs from when she had surgery. I felt like Lee walking out of there with two bags full of stuff, but those are some serious heavy duty ice packs she had so how was I going to pass that up? Plus, I doubt she would have let me turn her down anyway since the first words out of her mouth when she found out it was this friday were "Do you want to stay here? There's no stairs and I can cook for you." So yeah, I'm looking forward to the surgery. I didn't do a thing Saturday (I don't think I even left the house) or Sunday morning so I was feeling really good but we helped take down a basketball hoop that had rusted into the poles and move it for Nancy and afterwards I was feeling it again. I'll be very pleased to have more than twenty minutes in the morning without feeling like hell.

Special Thanks to DW: Glad you caught that mistake, I never would have.