Friday, March 17, 2006

Dear Kentucky,
Go ahead, have a seat, say grace, then eat my nuts.


Get a spoon, bitch.

Today's "I Really Thought They Would Make It" Update

End of the Road for Collins and Wife
World collectively shrugs, silently wonders who would name their daughter "Orianne."

Rockstars and their disproportionately hot wives are the real threat to the sacred institution of marriage!
- As fun as it was watching Gerry McNamara sitting on the bench about to cry, Syracuse losing screwed me. Not badly, I had them losing in the 2nd round to LSU, but still. In fact, the only two I missed yesterday were Syracuse and Seton Hall so the Big East can now, officially, kiss my ass.

- After the heady rush of the Marquette victory wore off, I realized Bama now faces the UCLA team that put a 78-44 beat down on Belmont. We might can hang with the Bruins (the good ones) if Felix and Steele are perfect, but Davidson will have to get his act together. This sucks.

- Dear Mike Davis, I could care less about the Hoosiers and don't really want them to win a title, but I like you and I hope you go out strong. Congratulations. Your friend, Todd.

- Dear UAB, Please make it 3-0. Your friend, Todd.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Marquette ain't shit but hos and tricks...

Bitches can't hang with the streets...they found themselves short.

Peep, that shit got deep and it was on...

That's some real conversation for your ass...

I'm heartbroken, but I'm still loc'd...
Just sitting here, waiting on Bama and Marquette to tip off. I need a nap.

This has nothing to do with basketball...or does it?

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

According to Nicole, this is the finest Marquette has to offer:

That ho fine...

...but this ho a killa.

Advantage Tide.
Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings the Flood

After a week's worth of spins I'm not sure if I'm ready to proclaim this a masterpiece on par with Blacklisted, but I'm close. My first impression left me cold; it seemed that Neko had turned a brighter corner and traded in her gruesome/horrific imagery for a more palatable style of writing, but it turned out I was grossly wrong. Blacklisted, an album that was playing constantly wherever I went (seriously, each morning I would listen to it getting ready, then take it to the car, then take it into work with me, then take it back to the car, then take it in and listen to it in the evening) for months had a hypnotic and droning quality to it that I couldn't shake. Her strategy seemed to be "get them hooked with the droning guitars so they won't notice what I'm singing, and then once they do it's too late." But on Fox Confessor her strategy has shifted to seduction; the opening track "Margaret vs. Pauline" is almost festive with the circus calliope organ and Neko's voice more of a sultry coo than the deep wail of Blacklisted's opening "Things That Scare Me." Thematic similarities don't begin to appear until the second track "Star Witness," but even relatively innocent "Margaret vs. Pauline," a tale of two women with starkly different lives, features the gruesome comparison "Two girls ride the blue line/Two girls walk down the same street/One left her sweater sittin' on the train/The other lost three fingers at the cannery/Everything's so easy for Pauline." "Star Witness" brings Neko back to her thematic element (is there such a thing as country goth?), but her voice and the music is still more pleasent than menacing and continues to be through most of the record. It's a disquieting feeling, thinking how beautiful a harmony is when it sings "Hey there, there's such tender wolves 'round town tonight" during a song about kidnapping and murder, but it's that weird duality of beautiful voice and horrific imagery that is her appeal. I was thoroughly impressed by Case's continued ability to haunt and even repulse, yet draw her listener in to the point where there's no turning back no matter how dark the path grows, and though I haven't obsessively listened to Fox Confessor like I did Blacklisted, it's getting there.

Official Site (Listen to the album here)


Performing Hold On, Hold On on Leno

Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to present all that is beauty:

Sela Ward = Perfection
Word of the Day for Wednesday March 15, 2006

Ides \YDZ\, plural noun:

In the ancient Roman calendar the fifteenth day of March, May, July, and October, and the thirteenth day of the other months.

Oh, those clever word of the day people. Picking "Ides" on the Ides of March. Classic! Oh yeah, Alba is like, hot every day of the year, not just the Ides. Or something. Sorry, I just can't come up with anything, I'm too astounded by the sheer clevericity of the word of the day people. Well done!

Today's Bama/Marquette Smack Talk:

Thursdays beat down will be so ugly, the whole Marquette team will get arrested leaving the arena for indecent exposure.

Even their jumpsuits are golden...

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Word of the Day for Tuesday March 14, 2006

uxorious \uk-SOR-ee-us; ug-ZOR-\, adjective:

Excessively fond of or submissive to a wife.

Should Jessica ever accept one of my many proposals, she would find me a most uxorious husband.

Today's Bama/Marquette Smack Talk:

Thursday's matchup should give new meaning to the term "Golden" Eagles.

I'd like to take a moment to thank MS Paint and this great nation's love of cheeky bumper sticker humor for making this edition of "Smack Talk" possible.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Simpson following in Jolie's footsteps

Does this sound like a bad idea to anyone else?

Ohmigod, Jay! It is, like, so unfair that there are kids out there that aren't pretty like me. I am totally writing my congressguy.
- I made a half-hearted plug for Lukewarm Pizza awhile back (when I was sick with something, maybe?), so if you missed it here's another one. Read Lukewarm Pizza. He has the best fake headlines around. For example (or should I say por ejemplo?):

Cuban baseball team wondering if anyone knows a good place to rent a boat, for, you know, recreational purposes []

I rest my case.

- I bought Madden 2005 the other day cause I'm kind of tired of NCAA 2006, it was only $5.99 at EB Games, they didn't have 2006, and Gun is still like 30 bucks there. But now I think it's the most frustrating game ever and I hate playing it. Am I the only one that has problems with the kicking game? Cause I've started going for two after touchdowns since I absolutely cannot kick an extra point to save my life! I know part of it is being used to the rhythm of NCAA 2006, but I'm really starting to feel mildly stupid and it's really distracting from my enjoyment of the game. Also, I'm having all kinds of trouble with the running game, and I'm playing with The Steelers so it's not like I'm playing with a crappy O-line or weak backs. It's frustrating as all hell and so far I've only actually finished one full game, usually getting bored and frustrated after the first half and cutting it off. Maybe buying one football game to play because I'm tired of another football game wasn't such a great idea.

- I hope my death produces a distinct possibility of mayhem.

Today's Bama/Marquette Smack Talk:

What do Marquette and Nicole have in common? Both are going down!

The most disturbing image you'll see all day...
Word of the Day for Monday March 13, 2006

manse \MAN(T)S\, noun:

1. A large and imposing residence.
2. The residence of a clergyman (especially a Presbyterian clergyman).

One can only assume that Jessica Alba's home is impressive enough to deserve the label "manse," but searching for a picture of it is creepy.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

March Madness just set in, people! UAB gets Kentucky in the first round, and Bama takes on Marquette. UAB can avenge the Tide for me (fingers crossed that this year's match up will be as exciting as two years ago), while Bama playing in Oakland brings up two very desirable possibilities: 1) A chance for revenge against Memphis (for both Bama and UAB) if both make it to the regional finals, and 2) a chance to talk some serious shit to Nicole. So to get things rolling, looks like Marquette is going to have a second women's team since Bama is going to make the men's their bitches!

The new look of the Golden Eagles after Bama is through with them.
It's been awhile since I've felt like cooking anything beyond bacon and eggs, but today I didn't feel like fast food or just making a sandwich, so here we are. This is pretty easy to make so it wasn't a great culinary achievement or anything, but it's good and cheesey and better than just plain old noodles and Ragu. Here's the recipe as it was given to me; my modifications are below.

Baked Spaghetti

1 cup chopped onion
1 cup chopped green bell pepper
1 tbs butter
1 can (28 oz) diced tomatoes, with liquid
1 can (4 oz) sliced mushrooms, drained
1 can (4 oz) sliced ripe olives, drained
2 tsp dried oregano
1 lb ground beef, browned and drained
12 oz spaghetti, cooked and drained
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1/4 cup water
1/4 cup parmesan cheese

In a large skillet, brown the ground beef, drain. Save drippings, add butter. Saute onion and green pepper until tender, add tomatoes, mushrooms, olives, oregano, and ground beef. Simmer, uncovered, for 10 minutes.

Place half the spaghetti in a buttered 13x9x2 baking dish. Top with half the vegetable mixture. Sprinkle 1 cup cheddar cheese. Repeat the layer.

Mix the soup and water until smooth, pour over casserole. Sprinkle with parmesan cheese. Bake uncovered at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes or until heated through. Makes 12 servings.

Instead of the can of olives I just added another can of mushrooms, and I used mozarella instead of cheddar and wound up using like 6 cups instead of 2 cause I love cheese and usually wind up doubling (or tripling) whatever any given recipe calls for. I also threw in some red pepper (I don't know about a cup, I just chopped two greens and one red and plopped them in).

Syracuse Wins Big East With Magical Ride

Pet Peeve Alert: Use of the terms "magical" and "Cinderella" when referring to basketball.

Sports page headlines should not conjure either of these images...
Word of the Day for Sunday March 12, 2006

parvenu \PAR-vuh-noo; -nyoo\, noun:
1. One that has recently or suddenly risen to a higher social or economic class but has not gained social acceptance of others in that class; an upstart.

The role of "Oscar Night Parvenu" was played by Jessica Alba as the star of such critical flops as Honey and Into the Blue presented the award for best sound mixing.