05-14-2005

365) Sugar and Spice. This was stupid, but funny. I'll probably buy it.

366) The Half Breed. TCM is showing westerns I've seen for the next few weeks, but I have a few on tape for just such an eventuality. PHEW.

367) Die Hard 2: Die Harder. I like Bruce Willis, but for some reason I hated Die Hard the first time I saw it. I wound up watching it again later on and it wasn't as bad as I remembered but I still never could bring myself to watch the sequels. UNTIL NOW! Yeah, cheesey, but you gotta love an action picture. And you gotta love the Blockbuster Movie Pass! I keep walking around in there all "oooo! I'm gonna get this! No wait! I want this! No, that one! Why can I only get two at a time!" I'm like a kid in a candy store that sells candy with people swearing in them!

368) Tomorrow Never Dies. I'm as schocked as anyone that I missed a Bond movie with Teri Hatcher, especially since it came out at the pinnacle of my love for Lois Lane, but here we are. I'm going to make sure I've seen all of the Bond movies before the year is up. I still haven't seen The Living Daylights, but I'm pretty sure I've seen all of the Connery and Moore Bonds (and the Lazenby) and this makes all of the Brosnans so unless I've missed an older one and didn't know it I should just be one away.

369) Bubble Boy. Yeah, another stupid but funny one. I'll probably buy it.

369 down, 631 to go.

05-13-2005

363) Urban Legend. This movie has everything! Freddy! Tara Reid! Alicia Witt (who I often picture as the high strung and judgemental girl of my dreams)! Lex Luthor with hair! Pacey being brutally murdered! What more could you ask for?! Okay, there actually was one sticking point. It's so creepy seeing The Noxzema Girl now. I just can't get over the whole vehicular manslaughter thing. I mean, I feel terrible for the family and am always like "stupid bitch, you killed someone because you couldn't stand traffic!" when I think about it, but then I remember that something like that could happen to anyone and have to kind of feel bad for her because I know if I were to kill some kid (or anyone really) in a traffic accident I'd have to go home, climb in the tub, and open up a wrist because I just couldn't live with myself. So it's always really uncomfortable seeing her now.

364) Alone in the Dark. More Tara Reid! Okay, so I'm a total hypocrite when it comes to Tara Reid because even though I always think slutty girls are totally hot I also look down my nose at them and would never really go for the slutty type. Except Tara Reid. I don't know what it is about her, but she's the only one of my celebrity crushes that can act slutty and still make me love her more! Everyone knows about my heartbreak over Britney and how the Lohan and I aren't really on speaking terms anymore because of their sluttiness, but the more Tara shows her boobs in public the more I want her. I can't help it! So yeah, this movie sucked so incredibly hard, but it was worth it to see Tara in her smart glasses. She's so cute!

364 down, 636 to go.

05-12-2005

I worked til 8 tonight (all hail the return of the 12 hour work day!) and have now added laying carpet to my list of skills. Do you know how much laying carpet sucks? Cause it does.

362) Dead Man On Campus. B. Lech.

362 down, 638 to go.

CAAAAAAAAALLLLIIIIFFFFOOOOOOOOORRRNNNIIIIAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Okay, I haven't said anything about it before because it's TV and all, but this whole thing with Seth and Zach's "Graphic Novel" is such total bullshit. It might have been a few years since I've read comics but the whole idea behind the comic sounds completely stupid and no one gets that kind of attention right away anyway, especially not a couple of punk kids, but that was okay. I bit my tongue and kept on watching. But George Lucas is interested in making it into a movie WHEN ONLY ONE FUCKING ISSUE HAS COME OUT?! Give me a break. And then, as soon as I was over that, CAL?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? And scenes from next week? I don't think I can take it!

05-11-2005

360) Simply Irresistible. So maybe choosing a movie with my first true celebrity love wasn't a good idea after I've been all depressed lately about the certainty of a lonesome death, but Charity came over and we laughed about how bad it was so I got through it.

361) Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2. Goth girls are so hot.

361 down, 639 to go.

Am I a bad person for finding Dave Chappelle's descent into madness even funnier than the show? I'm rich beeotch, indeed.

05-10-2005

358) XXX. I have no problem admitting that I like it when stuff blows up real good.

359) 3 Way. I was walking through Blockbuster and saw Ali Larter on the cover. What else was I supposed to do? So yeah, it's a damn shame that this was a low budget production. It had about the same direction and production values of your average made for TV movie of the week, but with bare breasts! First, there was just too much sex and the casting suffered for it. I mean, obviously you can't cast people that match their characters since they wouldn't look good naked. Second, it was only about 90 minutes so more judicious cutting of the pointless sex scenes could have gotten a lot more story in. I get the feeling that if someone who actually knew what they were doing directed it it would have been a great movie, but mostly I was just disappointed that such a good story was wasted on meager talent.

359 down, 641 to go.

05-09-2005

356) 200 Cigarettes. I'm going to wash my eyes out with gasoline for finding Courteney Love attractive for 1/2 a second before I realized who she was.

357) Criminal. If I hadn't already seen Nine Queens (which was awesome) I would have really liked this, but since this was an almost exact remake I already knew what was going to happen in every scene and it's just not one of those movies you can watch more than once.

357 down, 643 to go.

05-08-2005

351) After the Sunset. If our neighbors were as hot as Salma Hayek they could be as noisy as they want and I wouldn't say a word.

352) Blade. I just went and did the whole Blockbuster movie pass thing so that I can go and get whatever movie I want instead of dealing with the capricious nature of Netflix and the US Postal service, and these two were my first selection. This guy thinks he stuck it to the man with 30 rentals in one month, so I'm aiming for sixty. It's actually a pretty good deal even if the selection isn't near as good as Netflix's. But at least I'll be spending a lot of time with mindless and predictable violence for the next month. Anyway, it's kind of sad seeing the writer of country music's saddest song "acting" in something so silly, but over all it was decent. I'll watch the other two this week.

353) Hotel Rwanda. Maybe if those stupid fucking Europeans spent more time dealing with the awful and VERY REAL consequences of their colonialist misadventures in Africa instead of bitching about the evils of American cultural imperialism (cause really, nothing strikes terror into the hearts of men more than the sight of little African girls with hoola-hoops) shit like this wouldn't happen.

354) Cellular. Remember that part in The Commitments where Joey is practicing with Dean and he's like "Did you do what I told you?" and Dean's like "Picture the reed as a nipple? Yeah, but I'm a little embarrassed, she lives on my street" and Joey's like "Then pick someone else" and Dean's like "How about Kim Basinger?" and Joey's like "Is she...?" and Dean's like "Oh yeah...." and then Joey's like "Well pick a nipple and we'll try again"? Remember that? Cause that part cracks me up every time. I love The Commitments.

355) Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. Yeah, I would imagine after eight weeks Bridget's charmingly high maintenanced insecurities would start to run to the annoying.

355 down, 645 to go.

Okay, how do people watch Extreme Home Makeover? I damn near cry over the scenes from next week before Desperate Housewives comes on so I don't think I could actually watch the whole thing. And speaking of Desperate Housewives, why no green for Bree?!

05-07-2005

346) Kazaam. New award for most annoying little shit in a movie goes to this one. Stupid watching 1000 movies....

347) The Ox-Bow Incident. There's nothing I hate more than a damn preachy ass western. Just ONCE I'd like to see the stupid sheriff get there 10 seconds earlier to tell them they have the wrong men.

348) Green Fire. Oh Grace Kelly. Not to get all American Beauty here, but there are times when you just see something so magnificently beautiful that it makes you pause for a moment, and the first time I saw Rear Window was one of those times. When Jimmy Stewart wakes up and Kelly is standing there in that polka dot dress, I couldn't breathe for a few seconds. Since then I'll watch anything with her in it and every time I can't help but be totally enthralled with her. Anyway, the jungle setting lent the picture some good scenery and the story was decent enough, if not entirely memorable. Okay, but whatever.

349) Gun Glory. Thank the Lord. Some good old fashioned gun slinging, cattle driving action. Now all I need are some Comanche on the warpath to get the bad taste of Ox Bow out of my mouth.

350) Crash. Robin is in town, AGAIN, so we went to see this. I had seen the previews a few weeks ago and thought it looked like it might be good but also had the makings of another boring preach-fest about racism and blah blah blah. But I was really glad that it was a much more honest look at racism, i.e. there isn't some great conspiracy being carried out by THE MAN to keep minorities down, but that racism is a by product of simple humanity. In all of our worst moments of fear and anger there is an inherent need in all humans to fault "the other" but that in our best moments we only see another person who needs a hand. Man that sounded so lame, but whatever, that's what I got from the movie and I enjoyed it.

350 down, 650 to go.