Saturday, March 26, 2005


No new movies tonight. I went and hung out at Fancy Nancy's for awhile and then we went to the garage and I didn't get home til midnight so I'm digging myself back down into the whole I was just climbing out of. I started in on Friday the 13th Part 8 before I left the house, so I'll watch it before I go to sleep and try to get in an extra one tomorrow.

Friday, March 25, 2005

...I tried to kill the pain, bought some wine and hopped a train...

...seemed easier than just waitin' around to die...

So I've been thinking about this whole Terri Schiavo thing. Blue Eyed Infidel is planning on using this as an excuse to starve her dog, but I've got bigger plans. Most people that know me know about my diabolical plan to get married and have kids and then 2oish years later divorce their mother, marry someone younger than my kids, and then force them to call her mom. The plan required finding a woman that would be willing to go along with the joke and wouldn't put up a big fuss when it's time for the divorce. She could simply take her money and walk away. Ideally this would be a woman I find attractive and get along with well enough to make sireing children and co-habitating with her for the next few decades desirable, but I figured I'd probably just have to find some skank that's down with free room and board and a big payoff later down the line. But now with this whole Schiavo thing there are so many new possibilities! I can actually find some totally hot girl, sucker her into falling in love with me, have the kids, live together, blah blah blah, and then when the time comes for the younger wife all I'd have to do is lock the old one in a closet for a few weeks until she starves to death and BAM! I've got a hot new wife and insurance money rolling in instead of an ex-wife and alimony payments! I'd totally get away with it because the old wife would be an inconvenience to me and I know for a fact that she really wouldn't want to live like that (she told me so, and my brother too!) and since my word is compelling enough evidence for the courts then I'm covered! What an age we live in...

So for real, I am utterly revolted by this whole thing. I don't think I can really say anything other than I think I'll vomit if I hear one more "expert" talk about how starving to death is such a peaceful way to go. If that's true then why are we always so worried about those poor starving kids in Africa? Obviously they're better off than us, they're living it up without food and loving it! And those babies that cry when you don't feed them? What the hell is their deal? Don't they know how good they have it? And the Donner party? They could have avoided that whole cannibal stigma thing by just giving in to the hunger! It would have been great! Man, I'm thinking about not eating for a few weeks myself for the buzz! It's just a damn shame Terri can't operate a gun, otherwise her parents could trick her husband into visiting her and she could shoot him and then get sent to death row and all the people that are so furiously defending her right to die can switch up and start preaching to us all sanctimoniously about the santity of life and how killing her would be such a terrible thing. I fucking hate people.

Thursday, March 24, 2005


234) Starkweather. I had zero expectation that this would be any good. The acting and script were both ATROCIOUS, but Lindsay was absolutely adorable with her rural Nebraskan accent and she's really the only reason I rented it anyway. See Badlands instead, or just listen to Nebraska if you're short on time.

235) The Spongebob Squarepants Movie. TAKE THE BEAM FROM YOUR OWN EYE!

235 down, 765 to go.

CAAALLIIII oh who cares....


232) The Daytrippers. Ever since Arlington Road I've had a huge crush on Hope Davis. She's so adorable I can't help but love her. This was a pretty standard indie comedy/drama, all eccentric characters and "insightful" dialogue. Decent enough.

233) Klaus Kinski: My Best Fiend. I was so excited to see this. Herzog is the only person I've had cause to apply the term "mad genius" to and the only movies I've seen of his all star Kinski. I watched Fitzcarraldo and Burden of Dreams in a philosophy class at UAB and couldn't believe what I was seeing and went out the next day and rented Aguirre (and later bought it, and man, the commentary track by Herzog is worth ten times the price of the DVD) and Cobra Verde and was totally dumbfounded that such things existed. I really want to buy the Herzog/Kinski Collection and this totally fueled that want. I know Herzog is a nut but I had no clue how stark raving mad Kinski was! Van, if you can find this somewhere you need to rent it and you'll see what I was talking about. Just crazy.

233 down, 767 to go.

Oddly Dissapointed Update:
There's this woman that works across the street from me that I am totally in love with. She's absolutely gorgeous, but more than that, she has an impeccable sense of style and as Robin can tell you my knowledge of and attention to women's fashion borders on the scary so my fascination with her is only augmented by her wardrobe. Anyway, I was shocked to see her in a piar of Ugg boots Friday and my esteem for her quickly diminished. I mean, she's still gorgeous, but Uggs? So I hadn't seen her all week and then today when I was leaving she was walking out and she had on a very pretty blue dress and I was relieved until I realized that she looks like Traci Lords. Which, Traci Lords is very pretty if you can get past the whole "I was a teenage porn star" thing, but now every time I see her I'm going to think Traci Lords and that's just weird. Curses.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005


230) A Midsummer Night's Dream. I had the same English teacher in 7th and 9th grade, which sucked because I hated her. She was completely obsessed with Shakespeare to the point that there was constant joking that she probably made her husband wear a Shakespeare mask to bed. At the time I was mad that we had to read so much of his work, but .ater on I realized I really only hated Shakespeare because of the association with her and started to enjoy his plays, thanks mostly to Orson Welles. This was a pretty lightweight adaptation. Pfeiffer should stay away from Shakespearian dialogue, or at least read them in a manner more suited to a professional actress than a daytime soap star, but most everyone else played their parts well. Tucci was especially good as Puck, and the scene where he steals Lisander's bicycle is hysterical. It was nice to look at and fun to watch, so I'm okay with it.

231) Delicatessen. Dude, what a weird movie. I have no idea what to think. I mean, I enjoyed watching it, but it was just so WEIRD.

231 down, 769 to go.

Monday, March 21, 2005


228) Friday the 13th Part VII - The New Blood. FINALLY. Netflix is really pissing me off lately. I used to be able to get six movies per week from them and now I'm lucky to get three. Their turnaround time has really dropped, plus I should have gotten this LAST monday but it was lost in the mail (don't get me started on the USPS!) and then they wouldn't send a new one until three days after the estimated delivery date in case it still showed up. Anyway, Dr. Crews is played by Bernie, so that was kind of a laugh (does anyone else think he looks like a Jewish Johnny Cash?), and the whole telekinetic powers thing was a new twist but this was still pretty standard issue. Which is okay with me.

229) Just Married. I've been on the fence about whether or not I like Brittany Murphy. She always looks kind of strung out and I usually hate the characters she plays, but she always seems so sweet in a really spazzy way anytime I've seen her on Letterman and she was kind of cute in this, so I don't know. It was dumb, but I laughed.

229 down, 771 to go.

I forgot to mention it last night because of my joyous reunion with Lindsay, but why would you not show Desperate Housewives for three weeks and then come back with a rerun? Anger!

Sunday, March 20, 2005


222) Saved!. Okay, I've been wanting to see this for awhile but always shyed away because I figured the fundamentalist Christian in me would probably be terribly offended, but Robin brought it with her and I always try to keep an open mind about such things so I decided to take the plunge. As I suspected, I did wind up kind of offended. Not because the movie was blasphemous or anything because I don't think that it was, but I was offended in that way you get when someone writes/talks about something that's very important to you and you can tell they obviously have no idea what they are talking about and are totally misrepresenting it. At first I was hoping it would turn out to be a smart indictment of the modern trend in youth ministry culture to try to "trick" kids into being Christians by trying to make it seem hip and rebellious (skating for God, can't tell the difference between secular and Christian rock, etc.) and scripture and biblical teachings are all lost in the style of presentation. For example, anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of biblical teachings would understand the following: God's will and sin are diametrically opposed, therefore God would not instruct you to sin in order to fulfill his will. Jena Malone's character should have been able to come to that conclusion and realize that nailing her gay boyfriend is not God's will since adultery is sin. That's just basic Sunday School teaching, so for someone to have gone to a Christian high school all of her life you'd think she would have known such things. Of course, I never actually saw a Bible at the school or it being used for teaching purposes and the only Bible I saw in the whole movie was being used as a weapon (what subtle symbolism!) so I had hoped maybe it would play in heavily in the denouement but those hopes were dashed by the whole whiny secular moralizing at the end about "the Bible is big and we're different and it's so hard" and Jesus loves us all without the ugly truth of what that really means and the subsequent responsibilities of someone who does accept Christ. More than that, though, I thought it was just weak story telling. All of the characters (even the "heros") were shallow stereotypes and the few scattered attempts to bring them depth were weak at best. I mean, even the Jewish girl isn't a woman of faith, she's a secular Jew. Apparently faith of any type is wrong in this movie unless it's a warm-fuzzy kind of "God, or whatever it is that's up there, loves us and that's all we need to know and no matter what we do we're not bad cause it's hard to be good" kind of faith. I really got the feeling this was nothing more than a predictable opportunity to judge and ridicule a safe and easy target and it seemed like a big waste. Whatever.

223) The Big Bounce. Elmore Leonard lite. Forgettable.

224) You Only Live Once. A little more moralizing on my plate for the day. You got fired because you were out looking at houses with your wife while you were supposed to be on the job! Unless being an ex-con somehow compelled you to be an hour and half late you can't really blame your boss's prejudice towards convicts for it. Stark, tragic, blah, blah, blah. Whatever.

225) Moonfleet. Pretty good adventure picture, like a Dickensian Huckleberry Finn. Kind of weird, but I enjoyed it.

226) Clash By Night. I've always thought Barbara Stanwyck was kind of funny looking and putting her next to Marylin didn't really help. This is the last of the Fritz Lang thing from TCM and I almost skipped it cause I'm kind of Langed out but finding a Monroe movie I haven't seen was like finding buried treasure. I've only seen parts of M, so these 6 are the only Lang I've watched and I can't say I'm crazy impressed or anything, but for the most part they've all been good. I wasn't very pleased to see Bob Ryan playing such a scumbag loser in this. He absolutely annoyed the crap out of me, which I guess is a testament to his acting, but still. Anyway, out of the six, this is probably my second favorite behind Ministry of Fear.

227) Spring Break Shart Attack. It might be a made for TV movie, but it's still a movie. Plus, LINDSAY! I am so in love with her.

227 down, 773 to go.

Well, Bama and UAB are out, my obligatory "pick a weird team and root for them" choice is gone, and my bracket is all shot to hell, so basketball is over for me again. Come on, football.


217) The Violent Men. If it's 9 AM on a Saturday morning, I'm watching a western. I love TCM.

218) In a Lonely Place. Bogey was awesome in this. Great movie.

219) Kwaidan. So I bought this in New York the first time I went to visit Van (Van, what's the name of that crazy store you took us to? Is it Kim's? Cause that's where I got it.) and have never made it past the first 10 minutes. It sounded really good at the time (Adapted from traditional Japanese ghost stories...Kwaidan features four nightmarish tales in which terror thrives and demons lurk.), but either you have to be Japanese to get it or the Japanese are the most easily scared people on the face of the Earth. The first one just didn't make sense, the Snow Woman one was just dumb and kind of weird, the blind guy one was the only one that even made sense was interesting but it didn't really have much of a point and the one about the tea was just dumb. I'll admit that maybe this would have meant more if I were Japanese and had grown up hearing about these myths or whatever, but from my American point of view...BLAH.

220) To Have and Have Not. More Bogie. More awesome. I went to Sam's this morning and they had these three packs of DVDs for $25 and one of them was a Bogart collection that had this, Key Largo and The Big Sleep and I almost bought it but I watched Key Largo earlier this year and I've already seen The Big Sleep so I changed my mind. I kind of wish I had cause all three are awesome, but I'll get them later.

221) The Ring Two. Naomi, hey...Yeah, good to see you too...How's things?...Good, good...Yeah, well I kind of figured we would...Oh, just doing that 1000 movies thing, otherwise I would have probably stayed away...Yeah, well, I mean we're both adults and obviously we tend to wind up in the same places...Yeah, totally...But you look great, really, WOW...NO, I'm not just saying that, you know how gorgeous I think you are...and I like your sweater!...No problem...Yeah, definetely, that would be great, we should really catch up...Yeah, call me, or I'm sure we'll probably be just bumping into each other again...Yeah, it was so great seeing you too...Okay, be good...bye...What's that?...No, tomorrow's not good...Yeah, I'm really busy with this whole 1000 movies thing...I just don't know when would be good...Yeah, I'm kind of behind right now so I really need to concentrate for the next few weeks and try to get back ahead...Oh, totally, I'll let you know as soon as I have some free time...It's a date...Well, not a date date, but, you know...Yeah, yeah, well, I should really go...Yeah...Okay, well drive careful...You too...Bye...

221 down, 779 to go.