Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Scenes From a Movie Theater

To my right, a sudden, muted burst of bland, ring tone techno music. I knew who’s it was. When she reached for her purse I quietly muttered “sweet Jesus, do NOT answer that thing,” eliciting bemused snickers from the older couple seated next to me but doing nothing to halt the inevitable answer and nominally hushed conversation.

“Hello?”

mumble mumble mumble

“Watching a movie. What are you doing?”

mumble mumble mumble

“Cache.”

mumble mumble mumble

“It’s okay so far.”

mumble mumble mumble

“Can I call you back in a few minutes?”

mumble mumble mumble

“Marty’s making mad noises.”

mumble mumble mumble

“Yeah, we’re at the theater.”

mumble mumble mumble

“Okay, I’ll call you later. Bye!”

mumble mumble mumble

The husband, to his credit, seemed as annoyed as the rest of us but, besides repeatedly sighing heavily (like the rest of us), he did nothing to reign in his Sally Struthers look-a-like wife and her never-ending series of questions and inane comments.

“I bet he’s sending the tapes himself to drive his wife crazy!”

SIGH

“Is that the same guy from the last dinner?”

SIGH

“I like her shoes!”

SIGH

And so on. As the audience grew increasingly agitated, the frequency of sighs and the sounds of annoyed seat turning and pointed staring grew to the point where the show was no longer on the screen in front of us, but on the last row, five seats to my right.

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