08-07-2005
594) L'Eclisse. I would love to take this movie, print out each frame and hang them in order along a wall and walk along it and I'm sure it would be the greatest visual experience of my life. But watching it as a movie? Antonioni must have been the most depressing person to ever walk the face of the earth. After L'Avventura (which at least had "adventure") and L'Notte (which this was more enjoyable than) his whole bleak outlook on our inability to care for/communicate with/truly know one another (and therefor the futility of love, and, really, life) can really start to get you down. It did, however, further spark my desire for a loveless marriage held together by complacency, routine, and mind bending, jungle savage animal sex.
595) A Man Called Sledge. I guess since this was filmed in Italy Morrow felt it necessary to do an homage to (or parody of?) the Leone Spaghetti Westerns for the first five minutes, a task he was not up to. After that, it settled into a decent heist western. It was good to see James Garner with a pistol in his hand again after The Notebook. James Garner doesn't cry!
596) From Beijing with Love. Stephen Chow is absolutely brilliant. He's like the Japanese Mel Brooks before Mel Brooks sucked.
597) The Dukes of Hazzard. I knew I was going to hate this. Like most every other guy my age I grew up wishing I was a Duke boy and had my very own toy General Lee and watched every episode (even the ones with Coy and Vance) religiously, and as such it's attained an almost sacrosanct place in the memories of my youth. Plus, if Cooter says to stay away you best mind him. So where to begin? Things the Duke boys would never do, like swear in front of a lady, walk around with their shirt tales hanging out, take the lords name in vain, hit each other with phone books, refer to each other as "sumbitch" or "bff", smoke pot, express a desire to make sweet love to The General Lee, and express disdain at the repeated playing of Dixie by the General's horn? How about Uncle Jesse? I'm pretty sure he never told a dirty joke in his life or dropped a GD on anyone, much less Luke. And what's with Luke? He was the level headed responsible one while Bo was the girl crazy wild child, so why was Luke getting all the action while Bo was making creepy overtures towards his (male) car? And since when would Luke mess around behind Bo's back with the girl he knows Bo is after? And Daisy? Yeah, she shook what she had, but she was also a sly one and far more helpful than they let her be in this movie. And whoever cast Roscoe should hang up their hat because that was the worst piece of casting in history. The only two genuinely funny parts of the movie really had nothing to do with the Dukes at all. The cameo by the Broken Lizards guys as campus patrol was hilarious, and the bloopers real at the end when Joe Don Baker refers to looking at Simpson's "titties" and everyone in the room wants to laugh but can't was awkwardly funny only because you had to wonder why they would show that, but other than that, HATE. So don't waste your time seeing it in the theater, just put the money towards the DVD box sets instead.
598) Once a Thief. Lackluster John Woo picture. There was a pretty good shoot out a the end, but the story and script were cheesey. Whatever.
598 down, 402 to go.
11 more days til surgery. Come on, sweet knife.
26 more days til Bama (and UAB) football. Somewhere in East Tennessee Phil Fullmer is starting his waddle towards the UT sideline so he isn't late for the first game.
34 more shopping days til my birthday. Best Buy is stocked with the aforementioned Dukes of Hazzard DVDs. I'm just saying.
595) A Man Called Sledge. I guess since this was filmed in Italy Morrow felt it necessary to do an homage to (or parody of?) the Leone Spaghetti Westerns for the first five minutes, a task he was not up to. After that, it settled into a decent heist western. It was good to see James Garner with a pistol in his hand again after The Notebook. James Garner doesn't cry!
596) From Beijing with Love. Stephen Chow is absolutely brilliant. He's like the Japanese Mel Brooks before Mel Brooks sucked.
597) The Dukes of Hazzard. I knew I was going to hate this. Like most every other guy my age I grew up wishing I was a Duke boy and had my very own toy General Lee and watched every episode (even the ones with Coy and Vance) religiously, and as such it's attained an almost sacrosanct place in the memories of my youth. Plus, if Cooter says to stay away you best mind him. So where to begin? Things the Duke boys would never do, like swear in front of a lady, walk around with their shirt tales hanging out, take the lords name in vain, hit each other with phone books, refer to each other as "sumbitch" or "bff", smoke pot, express a desire to make sweet love to The General Lee, and express disdain at the repeated playing of Dixie by the General's horn? How about Uncle Jesse? I'm pretty sure he never told a dirty joke in his life or dropped a GD on anyone, much less Luke. And what's with Luke? He was the level headed responsible one while Bo was the girl crazy wild child, so why was Luke getting all the action while Bo was making creepy overtures towards his (male) car? And since when would Luke mess around behind Bo's back with the girl he knows Bo is after? And Daisy? Yeah, she shook what she had, but she was also a sly one and far more helpful than they let her be in this movie. And whoever cast Roscoe should hang up their hat because that was the worst piece of casting in history. The only two genuinely funny parts of the movie really had nothing to do with the Dukes at all. The cameo by the Broken Lizards guys as campus patrol was hilarious, and the bloopers real at the end when Joe Don Baker refers to looking at Simpson's "titties" and everyone in the room wants to laugh but can't was awkwardly funny only because you had to wonder why they would show that, but other than that, HATE. So don't waste your time seeing it in the theater, just put the money towards the DVD box sets instead.
598) Once a Thief. Lackluster John Woo picture. There was a pretty good shoot out a the end, but the story and script were cheesey. Whatever.
598 down, 402 to go.
11 more days til surgery. Come on, sweet knife.
26 more days til Bama (and UAB) football. Somewhere in East Tennessee Phil Fullmer is starting his waddle towards the UT sideline so he isn't late for the first game.
34 more shopping days til my birthday. Best Buy is stocked with the aforementioned Dukes of Hazzard DVDs. I'm just saying.
posted by Todd Jones at 10:15 PM
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