In part three of the ten part "Celebrity Ass I'm Reasonably Certain I Could Kick" series, I present Sandra Bernhard. What makes me think I could kick her ass? Well, at the risk of sounding sexist, it's because she's a woman. Why would I want to kick her ass? Well, I wouldn't. I have a very strict "no hitting women" policy, one that enabled MWOAEG no end of amusement when she learned that no matter how hard she hit me I wouldn't hit her back (luckily for me she was a 5'3", 100 lb wisp of a girl who's hardest punch felt something like a sponge ball thrown at an extremely low velocity), but I imagine that if confronted with the hideous visage of Bernhard my fight or flight reflex would be triggered and, since I also have a very strict "no running ever...EVER" policy, I would wind up hitting her right in the face before realizing it was Sandra Bernhard and not a terrible demon sent here to steal my soul and possibly my extensive DVD collection.














Believe it or not, this is what she looks like before getting punched in the face...