Thursday, June 22, 2006

In part three of the ten part "Celebrity Ass I'm Reasonably Certain I Could Kick" series, I present Sandra Bernhard. What makes me think I could kick her ass? Well, at the risk of sounding sexist, it's because she's a woman. Why would I want to kick her ass? Well, I wouldn't. I have a very strict "no hitting women" policy, one that enabled MWOAEG no end of amusement when she learned that no matter how hard she hit me I wouldn't hit her back (luckily for me she was a 5'3", 100 lb wisp of a girl who's hardest punch felt something like a sponge ball thrown at an extremely low velocity), but I imagine that if confronted with the hideous visage of Bernhard my fight or flight reflex would be triggered and, since I also have a very strict "no running ever...EVER" policy, I would wind up hitting her right in the face before realizing it was Sandra Bernhard and not a terrible demon sent here to steal my soul and possibly my extensive DVD collection.

Believe it or not, this is what she looks like before getting punched in the face...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude, you totally hit me once!

9:03 PM  
Blogger TNIRISHFAN said...

Maybe it was the "Alabama Man" coming out in him.
Todd, I don't know about this one. You better knock Bernhard out in the first punch because after that she would probably jump on you and start biting chunks of flesh off.

6:31 AM  
Blogger Todd Jones said...

whatever, bitch, you wish i'd pay enough attention to you to hit you.

7:28 AM  

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