Sunday, February 19, 2006

Taken from the comments section of the blasphemous post perpetrated by the zionist infidel pawns of iniquitous NCAA-AU-UT alliance, may The Bear rain destruction upon their heads and cause their mothers to weep openly in the streets:

TRUE FACTS About Bear Bryant:

The South didn't actually lose the Civil war. They traded away their certain victory for the right to be the future home of Bear Bryant.

Bear Bryant could smoke anywhere because he always exhaled pure oxygen.

When Bear Bryant was born he came out of his mother's womb in a perfect three point stance.

Bear Bryant never had to peel an orange; he simply compelled his oranges to peel themselves. This rarely happened because Bear Bryant was a meat and potatoes man.

When Alabama is caught paying players, Bear Bryant does not turn over in his grave; Rather the entire universe shifts around him.

Bear Bryant had no tear ducts, nor did he need them.

Bear Bryant's liver is acknowledged by Southern Baptists as their only official miracle.

During an unwelcome thunderstorm at his famous training camp in Junction, Bear Bryant leapt into the sky to speak with Thor. No one knows what was said but it hasn't rained in Texas since.

Bear Bryant wasn't an alcoholic, water just wouldn't let him close enough to drink.

Since Bear Bryant was busy with recruiting season when the Beatles recorded Sgt. Pepper he was unavailable for their album cover. They attempted to approximate his greatness by adding over 90 other famous people. They failed.

If you drink a thirty year old Bear Bryant commemorative Coca-Cola it will taste like a brand new Coca-Cola, only better.

When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, whichever one is Bear Bryant wins.

Bear Bryant's face has not yet appeared on any currency. This is only because the world doesn't have enough wealth yet to equal a single Bryantillion. However, his face did once appear on the single perfect Golden Flake chip.

Hounds used to line up to donate their teeth to Bear Bryant's hat.

Bear Bryant didn't mumble, he spoke in all languages at once.

The Bear greets the world from a perfect three point stance.


Blogger Newspaper Hack said...

Bear Bryant could stop a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick with a stare and a growl. Then he would make Chuck run windsprints until he puked, and Chuck liked it.

7:32 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

The last one is my favorite. I had to read it a few times for it to make sense in my head, but it's absolutely hilarious.

8:24 PM  
Blogger Todd Jones said...

"When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, whichever one is Bear Bryant wins"

that's the funniest thing i've ever read. well, maybe not EVER, but at least today.

8:30 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Since the Chuck Norris ones never get old, I'm sure these will stand the test of time as well.

9:27 PM  

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